I Burned Out: Lessons From Leading DEI in 2020 & 2021

By the end of 2020, I was spent and damn near completely depleted. I had nothing more to offer – I was officially burnt out.

I’ll be honest, being this burnt out scared me. Where was my motivation? Where was my fire and passion for DEI? How can I continue to be of service and continue to do this work effectively when I feel both overwhelmed and paralyzed?

And the daily question: How can I do my job effectively and provide for my children (financially, mentally and emotionally) who are struggling and juggling so much?

Never in my wildest dreams did I think our work would quite literally be on the front lines in the way it was in 2020. And even as I experience glimmers of hope this year through vaccine availability, students returning to school and initial accountability of Derek Chauvin in the murder of George Floyd, still the stark reality hits me in the face once again.

The tragic deaths of Ma’Khia Bryant, Adam Toledo, the targeted shootings and killings in Atlanta and Indianapolis, and bearing witness to the impact of COVID-19 in Brazil and India leave me feeling, once again, completely overwhelmed.

Throughout it all, I’m asked to explain over and over why diversity matters. Why DEI isn’t about left or right politics, but about acknowledging our shared humanity. Why this work hits home, when my son fears for his life because people may see him as a threat as he gets older.

We don’t need research to tell us the past year-plus has been a lot. And, I know I’m not alone in feeling utterly burned out. People across the credit union space – your leaders, staff, members – are asking these daily questions too.

Like so many, it is only with a little space and time away that I have been able to gain a little perspective and reflect on my own learnings of leading DEI during a current racial reckoning in the United States, and where I believe we as a credit union movement need to focus.

Be Clear on Your North Star

Born into slavery, creator and conductor of the Underground Railroad Harriet Tubman was focused on abolition no matter what. She said, “If you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the woods, keep going. If there’s shouting after you, keep going. Don’t ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.”

Keep going was her message, but how did she keep moving forward when things got dangerous and confusing? She looked up and around. She used the North Star as her guide to freedom. During times of great stress and competing proprieties, it is very easy to lose sight of your North Star.

A couple of years before he passed away, my father gave me the book “True North: Discover Your Authentic Leadership” by Bill George. Last year, in addition to being clear on CUNA Mutual’s North Star – making brighter financial futures accessible to all – I had to continually remind myself and re-ground into my personal true north.

George defines “true north” as the “internal compass that guides you successfully though life. It represents who you are as a human being at your deepest level. It is your orienting point – your fixed point in a spinning world – that helps you stay on track as a leader.”

In the times that I lost sight of my own true north, I ended up questioning why I do the work that I do. Ultimately, I had to find ways to continually remind myself that my North Star is two-fold, a strong belief that:

• The financial services industry (specifically the credit union movement) has the skills, knowledge and abilities to create products and services that create financial well-being for generations of families that have historically been excluded.
• Stronger financial well-being can ultimately impact the overall health of communities. Without that North Star, we can’t do the work.

Relationships Matter

We all have a role to play in dismantling white supremacy and driving for racial justice. The question is, are we patient enough to slow down, truly listen and acknowledge what we hear? To listen to our wounded ancestors longing to be acknowledged, listen to the disharmony and disease that have been passed on from generation to generation?

In the rush to find a solution, our allies often skip the long, painful process of listening, learning and acknowledging generational trauma and its impact.

Figure out how to get comfortable living in that space so our work and solutions are informed by truth, rather than only by our desire for a quick fix.

Stay Open and Curious, and Lead With Love

Life is not a series of problems to be fixed – it is space and container for practicing love and making each day sacred.

We are, no doubt, amid a racial reckoning in the U.S. If you are feeling burnt out, overwhelmed or stuck, you are not alone – and it is normal. Take some time to slow down and breathe, reconnect to your north star, know your role, do your part and ultimately lead with love.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the full staircase.” During all of this, we have the daily opportunity and choice to move in a direction that is more diverse, equitable and inclusive. Each and every day take your first next step.

Angela Russell is Vice President of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion for CUNA Mutual Group in Madison, Wis.