The Importance of Women Helping Women

I didn’t have a mentor when I began my career 30 years ago. I didn’t even know I needed one! That is, until I considered applying for a new internal job posting and wasn’t sure I was qualified. I didn’t apply – but doubted myself and spent some months wondering “What if?”

The next time I was at a career crossroads, I sought advice.

As was typical at the time, there were few women at the top. My former company had four females – out of 30 – at the executive level. I got up my nerve one day, as we passed in the hall, to introduce myself and congratulate her on her recent promotion.

We ended up having a more in-depth conversation than I would’ve guessed. I asked if I could schedule time with her and get her take on my next career move.

She said yes.

That one meeting led to an informal mentoring relationship that lasted two wonderful years. We met regularly to discuss my career goals and how I could reach them. She didn’t just ask me what I wanted to do “a year from now.” She prompted me to think 10 years down the road. She made introductions, shared her own journey and made sure I knew she had my back. She helped me secure a job I wanted – a position I couldn’t have gotten if she hadn’t been my advocate.

I resolved to try to help other women as much she helped me. I don’t wait for people to approach me, either. I make it known at Sharonview that I want to help coach young women – and men, too. My door’s open.

Some of my mentoring relationships are structured; we meet monthly to discuss whatever’s on their minds. Others consider me “on call” to them when they have a question.

There’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all career advice. Each person I coach has different skills and different dreams. I try to tailor my recommendations to the person. But there are a couple of things that apply universally.

• If I’m coaching someone early in her career, I always say: It’s OK if you haven’t figured out yet what you want to do when you “grow up.”
• For someone who’s mid-career, I’ll often say: Be intentional about which assignments you accept. We all have to be good team players, but you shouldn’t have to accept responsibilities that veer far from your true north.

If you’re looking for a mentor, here are a few pointers:

• Just ask. Mentors don’t always advertise their services. Find someone you admire and seek her out.
• Be the driver. With my first – and subsequent – mentors, I tried to make it easy for them. I asked. I scheduled the appointments. I came to each meeting one armed with questions. Don’t just position it as, “What can you teach me?” Be strategic in your questions. “What can I be doing to help myself right now?”
• Look at character as well as career accolades. Try to find someone like-minded whom you respect. If someone rose to the top but left a lot of casualties in her wake, she’s probably not who you want to guide you. Find someone who climbed the ladder – but with integrity and good intentions.

If you want to serve as a mentor:

• Make it known. Let people at your organization know you’d like to help. If your company doesn’t have an official mentoring program (and most small- to mid-size organizations don’t) consider getting one started. Create a culture where mentoring is valued.
• Listen. Once you have a mentee, be a good listener. Don’t be heavy-handed. Don’t try to relive your own career through your mentee. She may have different goals than you did. Let her live her own journey.
• Be a good navigator. Know your company’s culture well enough to advise someone else on maneuvering it.

Thankfully, there are many more women executives now than when I started out. But I’ve never forgotten the feeling I had when it seemed like women could climb only so far in the workplace. I don’t ever want another woman to feel that anything is out of her reach. When one woman succeeds, we all do.

Rondel Cuyler is SVP of marketing, communications and member engagement at Sharon view Federal Credit Union in Indian Land, S.C. She recently received a 2020 Charlotte Business Journal Women in Business achievement award and often has up to six mentees at a time at Sharonview.