Coping With a Personal Crisis at Work
What happens when you need a break or are having a personal crisis? Do you tell your employer what’s going on?
That’s just a small preview of my life this past year. I think Michelle Obama said it best: “Grief and resilience live together.” For me, being resilient is a process. During the act of processing everything that’s going on, I nearly crumble, only to build myself back together again and realize that I can do this thing called life. I always say that I’m not unique – we all have our stuff, and that’s part of being a member of the human race. It just so happened that a lot of stuff coincidentally happened to me at the same time this past year, but I made it through and have become more resilient in the process.
Because of this, I’ve been laser-focused on my mental health to ensure I maintain my sanity. So what happens when you, as a professional, just need a break or are having a personal crisis? Do you tell your employer what’s going on?
The answer is complicated. It really depends on the level of comfort and trust you have with your employer, and what’s going on in your life.
If you’re an introvert and prefer to keep things private, you may not want to discuss deeply personal matters with your employer if you feel like it may impact your work. For me, as a generally upbeat and social person, if I’m anti-social or absent from work, people notice. So if I encounter a major personal crisis – like an illness or death in the family – I usually disclose that information if I’m going to request time off or special accommodations such as telework days.
For example, when I needed to telework for a week to take care of my mom after her recent procedure, I had a conversation with my employer informing them of my situation so I could make necessary arrangements. I’m also close enough with my immediate team that I did inform them about what was going on. Without emotionally dumping on them, I kept them up to date on my situation, and the support was comforting. This also kept them aware of the possibility that I may need to miss work for a related reason.
If something happens that won’t require you to take time off from work, consider whether it’s valuable information that your employer needs to know about. For example, if you and your significant other just broke up, depending on the relationship you have with your boss, this may not be information they need to know.
Here are some other tips for managing a personal crisis while remaining professional at work:
Thoughtfully Manage Communication
- As I mentioned, if your personal crisis requires you to miss work, it’s likely advantageous to disclose information about the crisis to your employer.
- Consider the culture of your workplace when disclosing information. If it’s normal for people to openly share, it may be appropriate to do so. However, if it’s not, use discretion in what you decide to share.
- If you do share, be prepared for comments and questions.
Practice Self-Care at Work
- Try aromatherapy. I have an extremely strong sense of smell, and good smells positively impact my mood. Because of this, I have a large bottle of organic lavender lotion next to my desk, and I put it on my hands when I need to relax or just clear my mind. It provides a nice mental reset, especially during times of stress.
- Squeeze in some exercise. During the warmer months, I make a habit of going for a 15-minute walk outside every day to get a little vitamin-D pick-me-up. When the weather is cold or rainy, I’ll walk around the building instead to de-stress and take some time for myself.
- Download a meditation podcast and listen to it on your lunch break, or while you’re on your daily walk.
- When you’re stressed, your patience may be lowered. If you feel yourself getting irritated with a co-worker, go for a walk. Chances you’ll have a clearer head when you return.
Allow Yourself to Feel: Grief and Resilience Live Together
- My dad always tells me that to feel is to know you’re alive. Allowing yourself to feel, and sometimes grieve, through emotions allows you to build the capacity to manage and deal with those emotions, and ultimately develop resilience. Just think of emotions like a beach ball. If you try pressing that ball down in water, it pops back up – and so will your emotions if you don’t deal with them.
Most of all, be kind to yourself as you’re going through a personal crisis. It’s part of life, and we all have our stuff.
Have a story you want to share about how your credit union or employer helped you through a personal crisis? Email me at the address below.
Tahira Hayes is a correspondent-at-large for CU Times. She can be reached at thayes@cutimes.com.