Fast forward several years and I've been at my company for six years (in my full-time job), so I think it's safe to say I've taken many of the lessons I've learned and had a bit of success at it. I'm a work in progress and don't have all the answers yet.

However, here are some things that I've learned along this extremely bumpy and unpaved road:

1. If there's only one thing you take away from this entire article, this is it: Always presume positive intentions. Assume no one really wants to be a jerk and that their intentions are genuine and kind. Most people have a shared goal. If you think about that before acting, you can't lose. This lesson can be used in all aspects of life, but specifically in the workplace. This is often the most challenging thing to do, but if you assume everyone means well and is doing the best they can with what they have, it helps to build empathy, understanding and a problem-resolving attitude when addressing an issue of concern. So, before you hit reply on that curt email, try re-reading it while presuming positive intentions. It will likely help you change your response and the way you view the problem.

2. If you have a concern, respectfully address it. A public forum, such as a large meeting or the middle of the office, is not the best place to address conflict. Set up a time to discuss the issue face-to-face. When doing so:

• Address the problem, not the person. If you address the issue, rather than attacking the person, it's easier to come to a place of understanding.
• Actively listen. Listen to understand, not to respond. Don't listen just so you can talk next – listen to understand the other person's perspective.
• Focus on a resolution. After addressing the issue, focus on coming to a resolution rather than continuing to dwell on the initial problem.
• Let go of anger. As the saying goes, holding on to anger is like holding on to a bottle of poison and expecting the other person to die. Anger is not productive and it won't serve you. Be like the song in Frozen and let it go!

3. Don't be passive aggressive. Passive aggressive behavior has no place anywhere, especially in the workplace. There's nothing worse than getting a passive aggressive email that is filled with attitude and has an underlying message, but doesn't necessarily fully address the specific issue. This often inflames tensions and doesn't solve the initial problem.

For example, instead of saying, "It would have been nice if you would have gotten that report in on time. Now we're all going to be late," try directly communicating your specific needs by saying, "Can you please get the report in by the specified deadline? This will ensure all of our products are on time and we meet the deadline." By framing it in a slightly different manner, you'll directly communicate your needs so there's no room for confusion or attitude.

4. Understand that we are all different. Not everyone will do things the way you would, but that doesn't mean that their way is wrong. Everyone has their own way of doing things. Some people need lists to accomplish tasks, some people need their headphones and silence. We all have our own method of getting from point A to point B. If you know someone gets distracted easily, send them an email instead of interrupting them at their desk. Understanding and knowing everyone's uniqueness allows you to work more harmoniously with them in an office setting and better meet their needs.

5. Pick up the phone. Most issues and problems are caused by a lack of communication or miscommunication. Email is a quick and easy way to communicate, but not always the best way to communicate. If you need to explain something that is complex and could easily be misunderstood via email, call the person or walk over to their desk. The best way to solve conflict is by avoiding it in the first place!

6. Listen for the complaint in the request. People complain because they're not getting what they want. If you listen for the complaint, you can stay in a solution-based space instead of an unproductive complaint-based space. This applies when your co-worker is complaining to you about someone else or when you receive a complaint about yourself. Always try to listen for the complaint so you can resolve the problem.

7. Remember life will go on. This may be a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. A few years ago, my teammates and I worked extremely hard to develop an Instagram campaign with numerous short, creative and funny videos. We worked tirelessly to develop these videos and when we finally presented the idea to our leadership, they loved the videos but decided they didn't want an Instagram account. I was crushed. I argued my case, but leadership wasn't trying to hear any of it. They had made their decision. My co-worker kindly told me, "Tahira, it sucks that they don't want to do it, but you'll still get paid." I was so emotionally involved in producing these videos that I got lost in the process. Sometimes things don't work out, but I tried my best and did what was requested of me. So when you've worked hard at a project and things don't work out, you often have to remove yourself from the situation and remind yourself of the only thing that will make up for all your hard work – life will proceed.

Feel free to send me your workplace conflict resolution tips! Tips for managers will be coming in my next column.

Tahira Hayes is a Correspondent-at-Large for CU Times. She can be reached at [email protected].