I advised my mother and father how to save, when I should have advised them how to spend earlier in their retirement. I suggested responsible investment tools, when I should have suggested responsible, enjoyable experiences earlier in their lives. I encouraged financial safety, when I should have encouraged enjoyable living while they still had each other. I advised them how to responsibly save for their retirement but I failed to advise them how to responsibly spend during their retirement, while they still had each other to share the enjoyment and before they died or ended up in the nursing home.

Despite having achieved my own financial success, I failed to properly advise my own mom and dad.

Saving for a comfortable retirement is a worthwhile, if not necessary, endeavor. But saving money for very late in life does not pass the basic cost vs. benefit analysis. As a teenager I sometimes saw my frugal parents forego a Saturday night movie to save perhaps $5, a Sunday dinner at a nice restaurant to save $15 and a Sunday afternoon drive in the country to save $5 in gas.

That's $25, and it didn't even last through my mother's first breakfast on her first day in the nursing home. It simply failed the basic cost vs. benefit analysis. If given the choice, I'm sure my mother would have chosen to enjoy those weekend activities and skip that first breakfast in the nursing home.

We baby boomers should let go of the concept of financial planning that guarantees we will outlive our hard earned money. We need to plan to enjoy gifting to deserving individuals at critical times in their lives when the gift is most needed and will have the greatest impact, such as financing an education and skills training or helping to buy a first home. Dying at age 88 and leaving our money to adult offspring, who might already be retired, is just a poor allocation of financial resources.

That money in our bank or brokerage account is just a series of 1's and 0's stored on a computer hard drive. It is an accumulation of IOU's that have been given to us in return for our past work, time and effort. We don't actually get paid for our prior work, time and effort until we redeem those IOU's for living expenses, “fun stuff” or generous gifting.

We need to embrace the concept that we really do deserve to spend everything we have earned and saved in life, while we can still enjoy it with our loved ones, before we find ourselves in the nursing home and before we die. If, as they say, the ultimate revenge in old age is having a life well lived, then ending up as a ward of the state for the last year or so very late in life might just be a price worth paying. After 45 plus years of working and paying taxes, there should be no shame in that.

We each need to ask ourselves: Do I want to be the resident in the nursing home with the most money or the one with the greatest memories? Would I rather be rich and have broken dreams or be broke but have rich memories?

When my last will and testament is read, it will begin with my statement: Being of sound body and mind … I spent it all.”

Dr. Stanley Riggs is a retired orthopedic surgeon and an independent wealth manager. He can be reached at [email protected] or 941-955-6163.