It's a classic paradox of narcissism combined with low self-esteem. It can make for a real Molotov cocktail when the witch I really am overcompensates for the (relatively) decent human being I pretend to be.

So is there something more to this than an impromptu therapy session you ask? I hope so. You see this wise, old leadership, er, leader, Matt Monge of Mazuma CU, often writes that leaders are humanly imperfect and need to show they are “vulnerable.” I honestly hate even the word. Probably because information passes through your limbic system, responsible for the emotional junk, before it arrives at the cortex, the part that performs logical analysis, producing a purely visceral reaction in me that I in turn deny profusely. Sound familiar?

I don't know how to be imperfect and accept it. At the same time I definitely don't think that I am perfect, but the self-flagellation occasionally misses its intended target. I can't even claim to be perfect at that.

Not that I'm ever wrong mind you, but occasionally I can see where maybe I could handle a situation differently. But after Dr. Jekyll has allowed enough issues to build up, Ms. Hyde can boil up to the surface. 

I work at 90 mph in five different directions at once. It's not the “best” way but it's mine. Most of the time I accept that madness is not for everyone or that people learn certain things at a different pace. And sometimes I get on a jag and things run through my head so quickly that I don't realize that they didn't actually come out of my mouth (or email) or just in bits and pieces. To quote Bill Engvall's hastily spoken line, “That ever happen to you? It happened to me once.”

Working like this is unhealthy and manifests itself in many ways. Most important to the job is that a tightly wound, irritable leader puts employees on edge. I don't want to deal with a bunch of nervous Nellies. 

So how to fix perfection? First, take a chill. Everyone already knows you're not perfect. No, I don't accept this yet but it sounds logical, and that's me, right? Logical. Second, after a good mental chilling out, a physical one can be a good idea. I haven't played volleyball in probably six months; I've got the DTs. Third, as it pertains to the workplace, identify the objectives in your credit union or your department. This may be tougher than you think. Fourth, be clear about the objective and assign tasks to team members that move the organization toward that objective. You may find the credit union or other organization was better than you thought, or worse, but you haven't taken a breather to notice. Take time to ensure the objectives are being met, and finally, start over again at step one. 

Now the $64,000 question of any schmuck doling out commentary is whether or not they adhere to it.