She agrees society as a whole has changed.

“Our society, in general, is far more tolerant of behavior that at one time no one would have accepted. I also think our society today is very 'me' oriented. 'It's what I want, and I don't necessarily have to be polite about it.' Common courtesy seems to have gone by the wayside,” Wirtz says.

However, she does see age as a factor. She believes many young people simply haven't learned how to calm down other people.

“I think that's something you learn as a life lesson,” Wirtz says. “Often tellers and loan officers are young. When they encounter an upset member they don't know quite what to do. They tend to withdraw and hope the person quickly goes away.

“A big thing is teaching young people what they can do so someone doesn't escalate to the next level.”

Unfortunately, she continues, most businesses assume employees come to work with a basic set of interpersonal skills. In reality, people have learned different ways of coping with difficult people. They will rely on whatever they have learned.

“One thing credit unions can do is train people from the get-go. 'This is what we consider good service. These are some behaviors you may encounter, and here are some things you can say that will help de-escalate the situation.'”

When a co-worker or a member arrives at the credit union, and is a little bent out of shape by something that happened–perhaps at home or on the road–they're less patient.

“I think it has to do with how sensitive we are because of other things that have happened,” Wirtz suggests. “Somebody says something to me at work, and I'm already ticked off at my husband or kids, and I'm less sympathetic with someone who is actually a third party to what happened.”

There's also the issue of empowering employees. Often they blow off a member complaint because they don't think they have permission to offer a solution. Wirtz recalls having to return a rental car twice. When she explained the problems she had experienced, the agent casually said, “Sorry about that.”

“I don't consider that an apology,” Wirtz declares.

If someone mentions something, they're concerned. Don't blow it off. Situations often slowly escalate. Someone is mildly annoyed, they don't feel acknowledged, and they become more belligerent.

Instead, acknowledge the person and their problem, then solve it.

“The bottom line is to redeem their confidence in you. Then you will get their cooperation.” –[email protected]